Eyes on the Shepard

I have found myself changing.

And maybe not the good kind of change. I have had many people close to me tell me that I have been acting different.

Other than the fact that I have been in severe pain in my stomach... I guess I didn't know what it was.

But, the other day, I noticed what it was: my thoughts.

I seem to have forgotten my hope. So many things have changed in this year and I must have dropped it while I was trying to catch up. 

Life, this year, has felt like running on a treadmill that's going 6 mph. Maybe to some of you, that's a piece of cake. But a whole year of that will do something to you. At some point, my legs must have given out. 

You see, I've been carrying too much. I've been carrying too many people. It's worry. 

At church a couple months ago, during praise and worship, one of my home girls and youth leader came up behind me and spoke a few words to me that struck me to the core. She had no clue about what I was going through. She was just listening to God and speaking His words to me. She said something along the lines of, "Don't grow weary in doing good. You are carrying too many people. God knows your heart."

It's true. I had been doing exactly what she said not to. I had been growing weary in doing good. My eyes were on the sheep more than they were on the Shepard, and this caused me to try and do His job for Him. No one can handle the weight of the world, except Jesus, and I needed to get ahold of that. 

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Galatians 6:9 NKJV

If you would like, read the following prayer out loud:

I am strong in You, Lord, but I have got to let go of this worry and doubt. Show me exactly who You are in all of the deepest ways. She me how to love without trying to take Your job. I cannot hold the weight of the world. Only You can do that. 

I plead the blood of Jesus over myself and everyone involved with me in Jesus name. I rebuke the devil away from us and the plans You have for us in Jesus name. Show us Your glory in the most beautiful ways. In Jesus name, amen.